Monday, November 12, 2012

I wish I were the kind of woman, like the one on the street right now, who is walking her dog wearing a yellow slicker with matching hat and boots instead of setting out in my regular fraying jeans and an old jacket with an umbrella that turns inside out. Perhaps her boots are too much so I would go with green wellies.
I wish I were the kind of woman who had a dog.

I wish I were the kind of woman who hops in her car and drives across the country, alone and fearless, to help Sandy victims, visit a pueblo, learn to make sourdough bread, get out the vote for President Obama.
I wish I were the kind of woman who drove a car.

Or I'd like to be the kind of women who can walk steadily in high heels, who learned to draw a perfect line on her eyelid at sixteen, who knows that the dress with the animal print that the clerks at Lord and Taylors call the Lion King dress, will not be a good choice for my daughter's wedding.
I wish I didn't have shoes, blouses, pajamas and a coat with an animal print in my closet.

I wish I read 450 books a year like Sarah Weinman. I can tell myself that I get more out of the 100 books I do read, but since I could not give you the plot of ones I read six months ago, this is not persuasive.

I wish I were the kind of person who did not create excuses to eat.
Like it really doesn't count if you eat standing up so go ahead and grab a piece of angel food cake as you walk past the box. Or that bread is so thin, three pieces of French toast will be the same calories as two. 

I wish I didn't feel compelled to report on the night's sleep I just had. And I wish Phil didn't feel compelled to tell me about his dreams.
They are so much more exciting than mine.

I wish I was finishing the story I am stuck on instead of telling myself that stream of consciousness writing can open up those brain passages.

And I did just think of an ending.

Thanks for listening.


Anonymous said...

LOL, sometimes it does help. And I met your charming daughter at NoirCon. The true crime panel could have gone on all day. Both panelists and participants were willing.

YA Sleuth said...

I generally find these women who look so in charge of themselves amusing. Because when no one is looking, they're stressed, cranky, and worrying about stuff that doesn't matter (like matching slicker and hat--who cares?). You can find them at your local TJ Maxx, Kohls, or Marshalls...

I wish I could write blog posts as honest and entertaining as yours. So there.

We all have our yellow slicker envy moments :-)

pattinase (abbott) said...

Glad you got there. I went two years ago and enjoyed it. And I miss Philly so.
My life is a yellow slicker moment, Fleur.

Jerry House said...

Wish away, but we are all very glad that you are the person you are,

J F Norris said...

I do this a lot, too. That's why I read so much on the train and the bus on the way to work. If I'm not engaged in an activity then I look around, people watch and find myself imagining what it would be like to be certain types of men who seem to have it all together.

This kind of open faced honesty reminds me of the people who say they don't regret a single thing they've done in their lives. I never believe them. Nearly everyone has a mistake or two they would like to wish away or a missed opportunity they long for.

pattinase (abbott) said...

Well I wasn't fishing for compliments but I will take it, Jerry. Thanks.
Oh, yes train rides, bus rides, airports are great for pointing out personal deficiencies. Love the people who can get what they want from the agents without getting shrill. Either I am too passive or shrill. There is a huge dropoff and I never see it coming.

Anonymous said...

Jackie wants me to give you her alternative assessment of you:

One of the few people in this country who actually reads 100 books a year
An international traveler with friends all over the world
An avid theater goer from Broadway to Shakespeare
A happy marriage of 45 years
One of the most interesting blogs around
A published author
A proud mother and grandmother

And, somebody who should feel much better about her life and accomplishments

Jeff M.

pattinase (abbott) said...

Wow. This is turning out all right! And right back at you, Jackie with a few substitutions. Like a devoted teacher and school administrator instead of blogger. And I think Jackie would get where she wanted to go despite not driving.

Anonymous said...

True, she usually does.

Jeff M.

Rick Robinson said...

That's a wonderful piece, Patti. There's real poetry there.

I guess we all find fault when we look in the mirror, but so does everyone else, if we stop to think about it. Because I doubt we're the only two. I tell my wife my dreams too, and she says she never dreams except when she has a nightmare now and then but I think she just forgets them and I don't, at least not until the next day.

Thomas Pluck said...

Well it was interesting reading and certainly story fodder, so it's not time wasted. :)

pattinase (abbott) said...

I remember my dreams, but they are too dull to tell. Phil's dreams propel him to defend borders, be a spy, save the world. I travel in basements more than above ground. I travel back in time more than forward.
I maybe could use some of this if I wrote mainstream fiction, Tom. It lacks the sinister edge. It's about regret rather than revenge.

Deb said...

I think any examined life has a few regrets. It took me until I'd been married ten years with three kids to stop regretting that I never stood up to an awful boss I had in the early 1980s. Then one day it struck me: I'd I hadn't been in such a dreadful situation with that job, I would never have requested a transfer to another department where, a year later, I would meet the man who became my husband. Sometimes it takes a while to get the proper perspective.

David Cranmer said...

I wish we had already met in person, Patti. One day.

pattinase (abbott) said...

I will track you down in the wilds of Maine or wherever sooner or later, David.
Oh, boy. Had I stood up to the miserable people at New Jersey Bell in my youth, I would probably be singing a different tune. And they were all women, sad to say.

Anonymous said...

I have - often - what I consider dreams in series. i have a lot of travel dreams, usually on subways or buses, but they are never quite the actual train line. I have bookstore dreams where I walk into a newly discovered secondhand shop with rooms of old books and shelves of old Penguins and other old paperbacks.

Jackie doesn't remember her dreams that often but when she does they are usually very specific with real people and situations, often school-related.

Jeff M.

pattinase (abbott) said...

I don't often remember mine but they usually center on having young children or searching for something in a house I have never been in--and in the basement more often than not.
Phil's are more glamorous. I wonder if men tend to have less prosaic dreams than women.

Charles Gramlich said...

Good for the rest of us that you are a different kind of woman.

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