Leonard Bernstein reading.
I have been at Page 220ish in my second try at a novel for weeks. First I told myself, I'd let my husband read it and see what he thought, knowing very well he would pronounce it brilliant.
Then I said, I needed a break from it, so why not write a short story over the holidays? Which I did, although with some difficulty because I'd gotten used to the luxury of being able to describe things more fully.
Now I think I know the trouble. I don't want to finish it because I will then have to reembark on finding an agent. If I gave up after eight tries last time, how will I stick with it any longer this one? And that novel fell smack into the genre. This one is even more amorphous in terms of genre. I think it's actually a memoir--just not mine. Maybe James Frey would want it.
Why did I give up so quickly last year? I think the first novel could have been fixed but I had no stomach for it. Will this one suffer the same fate; will it ever find its way to any agent's desk. Perhaps I will prove even more cowardly.
I wouldn't be surprised.
10 comments:
With your writing talent, I hope you don't give up on this second novel because of the initial experience of looking for an agent. At some point, I think you should go back to that first novel and try polishing it up. You may be surprised to find it's been waiting for you. Also, what about a collection of your short stories?
I know exactly how you feel. My agent currently has my detective series on submission hiatus. (That sounds so much better than saying we've given up.) My just-completed, multi-POV story doesn't interest her, as she says organized crime stories have no market right now, so I just sent it out to a small publisher myself. I have the next project well-formed in my head, but I know what's likely to happenwhen it's done, which is pretty much what you have described here, and I don't have the stomach for it right now.
It is all so wearying. Bad times too. I have that too David. I actually have a novel in stories that one agent almost took. That's actually my favorite of the three. And probably the darkest.
I love writing but the business/marketing side of it is so frustrating and tiring. I've largely given up on finding an agent myself. I may try again if I write another thriller. But who knows if I'll have the energy to do that. I sympathize. I hope you find yoiur way through the blockage.
I can't blame you for the dread you feel. Now I know nothing about this, but 8 submissions doesn't seem like very many to me. Did you decide to stop there because you felt like there was something about the manuscript that you honestly believed needed to be changed, or was it just the prospect of continuing to shop it around? I've read several of your short stories and I know in my heart that whatever you wrote has a home somewhere.
For my first novel, a couple of things helped. One, I had a small reading group that met every Wed. Thus, once a week, I better have a chapter. And, at one point, 2/3 of the way into the writing, they commented on an aspect of the book that was lacking...and thus, I had to stop writing the last 1/3 and re-write/revise the first 2/3. That done, it was full speed ahead.
Two: I didn't start looking for an agent until I finished the book. Granted, for me, I attended a conference and met with an agent and was bound and determined to answer "Yes" if she asked "Is the book complete."
Both things have conspired against me with writing the second book. I looked for an agent before the book was done. The book is still not done. I stopped taking new chapters to the writing group. The book is still not done. I tried making resolutions last year about finishing the book. The book is still not done. I tried making myself finish the book via my own version of NaNoWriMo. The book is still not done. Then, I got some judges comments back regarding the first three chapters and they shot holes in the book that I acutally liked in my head. Finally, I came to your conclusion: stop writing...for now.
For all us not-yet-published writers, at the beginning, we have an audience of one: ourselves. If we don't like the book (i.e., if we don't want to work on it), chances are no one else will like it either. We have to *enjoy* this writing experience before it becomes the dreary job it will become if we're lucky enough to get that book contract. When writing my first book, I *knew* every aspect of the book...and I still couldn't wait to sit down and write it down. Even during re-writes and re-reads, my heart raced at certain points.
We have to fall in love with our stories. The business side can be time consuming and monotonous. But, if we're jazzed about our book, you *want* to tell the world about it.
Don't give up, not at all. Keep on. Find that joy in your writing, no matter if it's book 1, 2, or something new. Go with it. Smile when you type, laugh, cry, get that heart racing. Creativity like this makes us soar. It's unlike anything else in the world.
Yes, I felt like something needed to be worked on. It wasn't dark enough for two of the people. It was too dark for the rest. I hadn't struck the right note, I think.
I do need a new reading group. I may look for an online one. The one I belong to now doesn't function in the way I need them to.
I am fairly confident I know how to write short stories after more than 50. I have none of that re: novels.
You said it was too dark for some and not dark enough for others...I wonder how you feel about it. I wonder how much you can trust the feedback you're getting -- trust that what they're seeing is what you intend...
Good question. I liked some things about it but not everything. I'll go back to it should I finish this one.
Patti, I can sympathize with your dilemma. I don't know how many unfinished, unsold proposals I've got on my computer. Liza is right that 8 submissions isn't many, but it's confusing when you get contradictory responses. It's hard to know how to fix the problem if you're not sure what it is or if there even is a problem. You have to trust your instincts, and yes, I know that's easier said than done. I hope you can find some inspiration soon, either on one of your novels or the short stories. Good luck finding some new critique partners. That should help.
Hugs,
Linda
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