Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Sewing of the Pockets story


Fidel Casto reading.

WARNING.
This story does not make me look good.
About fifteen-twenty years back, my husband started getting holes in the butt of all his pants. A Seinfeld episode has alluded to George's big fat wallet. I looked at my husband's wallet and it was much the same, crammed with various credit cards and assorted other stuff. It was a really fat wallet although not fat with money.
I said, "Phil, your wallet is ruining all your pants. You should carry your wallet in your front pocket if you won't clean it out." He kept forgetting to do this and got holes in more and more pants. I must have thrown 10 pairs away.
I decided to help him along with remembering by sewing the back pocket of his pants closed. I did all of them. No more back pockets.
But he still got holes in his pants. It didn't slow him down at all.
It turned out the spring in the seat of the car was causing the trouble. Nice wife, huh? I told you I wouldn't look good. I bet no one sewed Fidel's pockets closed.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Patti: Think Belushi giving the pledges Of Delta House their nicknames. "Your new name is 'Better Than Willie's Wife'. Unless it's too long for me to remember when I sober up, then it'll be something else."
John McAuley

Kieran said...

I believe declassified documents indicate the CIA tried to sew Fidel's pockets closed during the Bay of Pigs. But the seamstress got lost in the jungle and was eaten by a wild boar. True story.

JR's Thumbprints said...

I don't have this problem because I work in a prison. More than 20 bucks and I'm violating policy. As for receipts, coupons, and other crap, I'm afraid I'm guilty.

Bill Crider said...

Great story. It'll probably show up in any number of novels over the next few years.

Todd Mason said...

Castro is working on one right now. IMPERIALIST PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE SHAMES PROLETARIAN HEROINE, unfortunately published in the UK as PANTS.

Clair Dickson said...

*giggle*

You were only doing it to be helpful and frugal. I'm sure he appreciated the gesture.

I tell my Hubby if he keeps getting holes in his pants, I'll just send his skinny butt to work nekkid. He doesn't believe me. It's not like I've made this empty threat for eight years or anything... oh.

pattinase (abbott) said...

Helpful, controlling, determined strange. I never met a theory I didn't subscribe to. Often the wrong theories, however. Measure the depth of your wallets, gentlemen. I bet Phil's can outflank yours.

Cormac Brown said...

He should be careful that he doesn't get the richman's back ache, where a fat wallet eventually winds up pinching nerves.

Sepiru Chris said...

Dear Patti,

I don't think this story makes you look strange; it sounds like a chunk of neural coal, dug from the cerebral colliery, that will fuel the fire of personal, shared memories for years to come. Likely everburning coal, the type that Victorian scavengers dreamed of finding.

I have long found, to my chagrin, that the memories that cause me to cringe are the ones that resurface most frequently, usually when I am least expecting them.

From an external perspective, your pocket story is sweet.

Cheers,
Chris

pattinase (abbott) said...

All of you have a better sense of humor than my husband.

Juri said...

I'm sure Fidel sewed his own pockets. In the Cuban jungle - who else would've done it? Che? Raul? Errol Flynn? (Or in his South American escapades with a motorcycle?)

Patti, I don't understand men who keep their wallets in their backpockets. They are meant to be kept in the breast pocket of a jacket. Accept no substitutes. (Well, okay, manbag is doable.)

pattinase (abbott) said...

I see you live in a climate where heat does not make wearing a jacket difficult a lot of the year.
I opened the pockets once I understood it was not a pocket problem.

Charles Gramlich said...

Well it's certainly worth a chuckle.

Juri said...

Yeah, it's a problem during Summers - where to put your waller? Backpocket just isn't an option.

George said...

My wallet is four inches thick. I am NOT showing your "The Sewing of the Pockets Story" to my wife (who has some of your tendencies), but thanks for sharing it!

pattinase (abbott) said...

She may come up with it on her own so watch out for holes.