I have a new story up at SPINETINGLER-to celebrate Father's Day--kind of.
Here's a question for readers and writers alike. A member of my writing group is writing a crime novel. In the first chapter, a man piloting a boat alone, is shot. Very exciting and well written.
In the second chapter, a cop comes on the crime scene. The narrative tells us he knows nothing about boats--emphasizing his middle eastern heritage. The story continues to wow me but...
Boating terms are used as he begins his investigation. Words like "aft" (he turned aft) and "stern" and even parts of the boat itself are referred to by their proper names as he goes about his business.
Now I think that even though the story is not told in the first person, using these terms makes it seem like this cop knows about boats (when he's said he doesn't) and throws things off. Of course, living where I do, some of the people in this group are boaters and they say words like "aft" and such are widely known enough for it to be okay.
What do you think? Am I (d)aft?
14 comments:
No, you're not crazy. Why make a point about him knowing nothing about boats if he's going to use nautical terms? Better not to mention it at all, or say something to the effect that he doesn't know much about boats other than a few (more or less) common terms.
Jeff M.
If he's using the nautical terms, it's a problem. What would be nice would be for him to become more comfortable with them as time goes on. Then they could be dropped into his conversations to show his learning curve.
If the nautical terms are part of the narration, POV is the key element. Even though it's not first person, whose head are we in? If his, then the terms have to go, except as noted above. Whoever's head we're in, the use of these terms should be appropriate. If it's an omniscient narrator, anything goes, but the author should be careful not to assume too much knowledge on the part of the reader.
Dana nails the points I wanted to make.
Father's Day will never be the same, Patti. Good one.
Yeah, it sounds like the boating terms distance the narrator from the character and therefore distance the reader. The story is really about the character and the character's reactions, not the "story," so to speak.
The cop is not using them but the narrator is. Which makes it seem like the cop knows them since it's third person omniscient.
That's it, John, it distances us.
Thanks so much, Al!
Interesting dilemma. I think Dana's point about whose head we're in is valid. And I think the vast majority of readers are not that familiar with nautical terms so in any case I'd say only sparing use of them would be advisable.
It makes an interesting point though about limiting an omniscient voice with the limitations of the characters. I've written some people who are God-awful stupid but I don't feel like I need to dub down the writing.
Seems like the real problem is the highlighting of his lack of knowledge. Unless that becomes a crucial plot point it may be cleaner to remove that reference.
Just because it's omniscient narrator, if the cop is the only person in the scene, it's still by default from his perspective.
That's what it felt like to me too.
The truly omnescient POV is pretty much out these days. The most popular is the modified third person, which is located squarely inside the POV of HE or SHE.
I'd comment, but evidently I would be preaching to the choir.
It would definitely feel weird to me if the narrator wasn't supposed to at least be trying to learn about those terms.
Is the narrator telling the story to an implied audience that knows nautical terms?
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Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
I would say a general audience. The writer just knows the terms from being an avid boater and used them naturally.
Unless technical language is being used to show the knowledge of a particular character (and, even then, I think it should be used judiciously) there's absolutely no reason to use it. I'm afraid the writer would lose me by "aft" as I'm not a very nautical person and wouldn't have the faintest idea what it meant.
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