"How I Came to Write This Story: Performance Anxiety"
By Keith Rawson
Over the past three years and 70 short stories, there isn't a chance in hell I could tell you how I came to write 95% of them. Most of my stories start off as snippets of half heard conversations, things I see through out the day, or even phrases that somehow cement themselves in my head and repeat over and over until the framework of a story begins to take shape.
But there's one story that's stuck with me over the past couple of years that has more or less haunted me as a writer:
Performance Anxiety
( http://chrispimental.com/panxiety/performance.html )
The story bloomed from a conversation with a friend at my previous job. The story she told me was of a friend of her's (at least I hope it was a friend and not a proverbial "friend".) whose boyfriend had an obsession with body fluids.
The boyfriend had already convinced the girl to allow him to give her a golden shower (No I'm not going to describe the act. If you don't know what it is you've been living under a rock since the sexual revolution.) and he was trying to take it a step further and convince her into allowing him to defecate on her. As my co-worker told it, her friend would be covered in plastic wrap so it wouldn't touch her skin, but still, the entire act, (and the girl's seeming lack of self respect.) covered in plastic wrap or not, turned my stomach, but the seeds of a story buried itself and wouldn't let go.
Originally I intended "Performance Anxiety" to be the story between a prostitute and one of her long time johns, but no matter how I worked the story, the characters didn't fit, at least until I cast the long time john as a fetish porn director and the prostitute as a performer.
Since finishing the original story, the characters featured in it have gone onto occupy over 45,000 words and I've become a bit obsessed with pornography. (Not so much with the imagery, but with the mechanics such as production, financing, and the performers) And just when I think that I'm done with these characters and I'm ready to move on, their voices resurface, causing me to sit down at the machine and bring them into the world.
Keith Rawson is the author of many short stories and the editor of the online zine CrimeFactory. He interviews many crime fiction writers for the online site Spinetingler too.
13 comments:
Patti - Thanks for hosting Keith.
Keith - I have characters like that, too, who won't let me rest until I write more about them. I think it's interesting, too, that you get inspiration from snippets of conversations that you hear. I "tune in," too, and it can spark creativity.
This guy is a terrific writer and what he describes (the way snippets of conversations he overhears, etc., stay in his head) is something I'm a huge believer in; how one such line or part of a line can become a book. (for me it was overhearing a friend of mine say, "They nothin' but cheapskates"). Keith has the chops and obviously the fire and that relentless writing bug that holds on tighter than a pitbull ... dynamite.
Seconded,Charlie. My stomach churned a little there. It's what you do with the ideas that counts and you have the magic touch, Keith. And it sounds like they stick with you because there's more of a story to tell 45000 words is a big chunk - I wonder what the cover for the novel might look like (actually, now I've pictured it, I'm not sure I want to).
Thanks Keith.
Regardless of the characters and what they're uh, into, you've hit the nail on the head. Pretty much how everything I write begins like you described. Then the obsessing over and over details till you have to write it. Great post, Keith.
Interesting glimpse into the mind of a very cool writer.
Good stuff. Keith writes some of the edgiest, thoughtful short form out there today. PERFORMANCE ANXIETY is a gutsy piece as are most of Rawson's. Snippets of the mundane insanity that surrounds us every day.
Keep 'em coming, dude.
I actually keep a file where I write down the genesis of various stories. I'm a little OCD that way I guess.
I wish I was that organized, Charles. Last night, racked with insomnia, I could not think of the genesis of a single story.
That's a fantastic, and really disturbing, story. I didn't expect that ending at all. Interesting story behind the story too.
You're a sick MF, Rawson.
Grant--This coming from a guy who wrote about a sociopath who tried to frame his retarded son for his wife's murder.
And thanks to everyone who stopped by (You in particular, Charlie. I always appreciate the praise) and to Patti for hosting me
Idea: Golden Showers meets Golden Arches with a brown-valanche thrown in. Mcdonald's, mmmmm, McDonalds. Double payday: Movie and a series of commercials. Ties right in with the quality of food they sell at MickeyDee's, right? I can see the pitch meeting now. I can see John Waters scrambling for the director's gig like a samurai with Lynch and Tarantino. You got a real money shot of an idea Mr.R. make it happen.
I always thought that story was autobiographical!
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