Gotham Book Mart
Since my mother's death in February, my father and I have been in a race to see who can gain more weight. Without my mother's slapping hands (a metaphor only), Dad takes dessert with every meal and eats the candies she used to put out for the people who assist/visit them.
Now I get a calls from Dad, telling me that he's running low on candy for the aides. "Do you think you should be eating this much candy?" I ask.
"The people here like them," he says.
So far, I've provided him with his drug of choice. But last week, he told me he now weighs 185 pounds, a gain of eight pounds in eight weeks.
My husband and brother say, let him have the candy. Am I contributing to his early death at the age of 95 or so by bringing him bags of Reese's Pieces, jelly beans, etc?
Would you let my Dad pig-out if you were in charge? Especially since he doesn't remember eating a handful just five minutes ago.
26 comments:
Well...weight gain after trauma is unsurprising...maybe try bringing candy Every Other visit?
(This tentative suggestion gives indication that I can read this new post...but the old posts and marginal stuff still invisible.)
Are feast or famine the only options? I mean, you could provide him with a reduced amount of candy and appease both your conscience and treat him to the candy.
I guess, ultimately, after what he (and you’ve) been through, I say let him do as he will.
When you're 95, anything goes. I would shower him with candy!
All men say this. All women say, make him stop.
I see the same as Todd Mason.
All I can see are the last three posts; nothing on the left frame.
He's 95? If I get to be 95, I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want. Red meat. Chocolate. Red meat. Ice cream. Red meat. Doughnuts.
Oh, yeah. And red meat.
He'll probably taper off some on his won, as he gets used to being alone. I guess you could taper off how much you bring. It could be seeing full candy dishes just makes him lonely.
Well, I don't say, sugar him to explosion...I suggest, taper off some, but don't deprive him a genuine pleasure altogether. I take it he's not big on grapes or raisins.
That your page isn't cooperating wtih MS Explorer, but is with Mozilla, isn't too surprising. Not sure what to do about it. I'll ask my more literate family.
Curiouser and curiouser...if I bring up just the Taming the Beast message by clicking its hotlink, I do get the marginal stuff, including the ability to read and access the March and earlier messages. The only thing I can't see thus is the text of the GARP post...did you put anything unusual in that, or does it have a comment from your favorite spambots in the comments field?
I understand your concern, my 67 year old mother is in a nursing home (as of last fall) because she refused to control her intake, and I refuse to take her anything that she shouldn't have.....
on the other hand, someone who is 95, has lived a full life, seen grandchildren and great-grand children, and is a healthy 185lbs... let them eat what they want, and there is also the fact that older people who are a little heavier tend to do better with illnesses. Also from your comments it sounds like he is free for the first time in a long while to do what he wants with out being scolded, its like a kid away at college for the first time with out mom and dad telling them what to eat or watching how they spend their money.
I'm with the other guys,Patti.
Maybe somebody can dole out a daily amount of candy. I suppose the biggest risk (and I assume he's not diabetic, of course) would be if he kept gaining weight and he lives to be 105, but can't get up and move at all. At 95 I'd think he should be able to have things that won't bring him short term harm. And just in case you aren't aware of it -- whatever you do, don't substitute his candy with sugar-free candy. That "diabetic candy", as my father used to call it uses a sweetener that acts as a laxative if you overdo it.
Diabetic candy...well, if the candy uses sugar alchohols, those are the laxatives...maltitol and such. Sucralose (Splenda) and other artificial sweeteners don't have that problem, whatever problems they do have. Stevia, now getting a hard push, so to speak, also a laxative.
Exactly...I have a lot of diabetics in my family and whenever someone thoughtful gives them a box of sugarless candy, they smile and thank them and then they don't touch it. They've all made the mistake of OD'ing on it at least once :)
I can see everything fine. My first thought about your father is, at 95, let him have what he wants. But still you're right to be concerned about his very rapid weight gain.
Yes, it is a bit too rapid for my peace of mind. Who wrote that DEATH BY CHOCOLATE, way back when?
Hi Patti.
I can see everything including the side bar, but yesterday I couldn't nor could I comment.
As to your father, my very strong opinion is that he is an adult and can do as he pleases. My reason is that I was sick for a month or so a few years ago and had to rely on other people to do most things for me, including shopping. It is humiliating enough to not be able to manage your own life without people censoring what you do, especially when those people are your kids. Of course my kids would disagree with me and side with you.
Terrie
I see your point, Terrie. The only thing is that he has some dementia and cannot remember eating a handful five minutes ago. But I am inclined to think unless he starts having stomach problems to let it go.
In re: blog problems...yes, there definitely seemed to be something weird going on with the GARP post. Or the comments.
I was going to ask, are you his only source of candy?
Todd-I'm his only source of anything.
Someone said that if he gets to be over 90, he'll start using heroin. I think anything your father eats is good for him, be it candy or carrots.
I have the Y chromosome. Give him the candy. (When I'm 95, I'll probably go for something far more harmful than candy).
I tend to think sugar is bad for a person so I don't eat it as much. Your Dad is 95: he should be allowed his candy if it makes him feel better. Maybe you could limit it in batches.
These kinds of questions showcase how I waffle. :) so, I'm going with an answer that covers both sides. Bring him some candy, maybe even some calorie-reduced candy. Sorry, that's the best I can do. :)
That's a difficult one Patti. Perhaps you can find him some low sugar alternatives, or "treats" that are excitingly different. Sounds like he gives a lot of them away though.
95? Oh hell yes let the man do what he will, if he isn't marginally diabetic then let him live. And live well with GOOD candy.
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