But now my garage door will not go down.
Yay, My new tag and new Michigan registration arrive today. Somebody up there likes me.
Two days ago I wrote a cheerful post that said I was beginning to be happy, at least some of the time. That my fifty years of happiness with Phil had given me muscle memory to revert to happiness. That I was looking forward to new books, movies, TV, dinner and movie with friends, taking walks.
But yesterday a number of problems to be solved sent me back to my earlier state of anxiety. So I took that post down.
Lots of the issues concern the car I don't drive. My plate registration did not yield me the required tab for instance. It is lost in the mail, I guess. And I have to have the car serviced even though I don't drive it. And one credit card is still pulling money from the wrong account And at two in the morning, I woke up thinking I didn't know how to stop payment on a check should I need to.
And how do I feel about going to NY for Thanksgiving and staying at a friend's vacant place. Can I navigate NY on my own? Will I be nervous hailing cabs without a man beside me? Will I be able to handle walking back from the subway alone at night?
Even though I was the one who always figured out where we were going and how to get there, Phil drove or was by my side in NY or wherever. This is one of the selfish reasons for missing him. Another one: he looked at the mail and decided what to do with things. Now I must look at every piece of mail and determine what is to be done about it. Now I must open every jar, even if I use a wrench. I have to decide who to call about every problem. Selfish reasons but ones that occur every day.
I won't list the less selfish reasons. You know what they are.
Still it is better than five months ago. Some days.
What's new with you?
12 comments:
Patti, that is so understandable, and I know Jackie has had similar thoughts about being left alone should that happen (the driving is the obvious one, but there are others). Can't your son help with the car issues?
If you do come to New York for Thanksgiving, you are, of course, welcome to have dinner here with the two of us.
Last week, we saw HADESTOWN for Jackie's birthday, and for the most part really enjoyed it. I'm generally too cheap to pay the ridiculous prices demanded on Broadway, so we get our tickets as a rule through subscribing to TDF (the Theatre Development Fund), which also runs the half-price ticket booths. We pay under $50 a ticket (sometimes half of that), but you can only get the shows they make available, and have no choice of seats so are often in the mezzanine. But we were able to get Wednesday matinee tickets for a relatively reasonable price ($150 each) and had tenth row seats on a center aisle, and it made a huge difference. I can't remember the last show we saw where you could see the faces of the actors that clearly.
This week we have two very different concerts, both at the Town Hall - George Thorogood on Wednesday, and Graham Nash on Friday. We've seen both before and are looking forward to them.
The weather has been great the last couple of weeks, and though it is warmer than normal now it will be back to normal soon.
We're finishing up various series on Netflix and Amazon Prime & Acorn. We watched the first Maigret with Rowan Atkinson on Ovation (on demand) and thought it was better than I'd expected, though he is certainly not my idea of the character. The French/Belgian BLACK SPOT was dark and over the top, but still watchable. The Australian MY LIFE IS MURDER is worth watching if you like Lucy Lawless and want to see the Melbourne scenery, not for the very weak plots. We finally gave up on season three of GLOW - no wrestling, Bash is more annoying than ever, but if you want nudity and sex alone you might want to try it. DEATH IN PARADISE on PBS is pleasant enough and worth seeing for the gorgeous Caribbean scenery. The old saw about the most well known guest star being the murderer is often true. We're watching the 20th (and latest so far) series of MIDSOMER MURDERS on Amazon (Netflix only goes to series 19), but I doubt we'll be re-watching them endlessly like Deb.
Not much going on with me. Haven't seen a movie for awhile. Probably see Ad Astra sometime this week.
Have watched little tv other than the Lions game. I have a ton of stuff dvr'd I need to get through. And Peaky Blinders starts a new season soon on Netflix,
Saw Patti Smith last week. Her voice is still strong but the show was a bit short at 70 minutes and I wasn't too happy with her set list.
Read The Life of Lou Reed by Howard Soanes. I am a big fan of Reed's but personally he was prick to put it mildly. Now reading Chances Are by Richard Russo and Episodes a collection of short fiction by Christopher Priest.
Weather staying mild which is nice. I like to sit outside and read but that won't last much longer.
My oldest granddaughter is due to have my first great grandchild this week. How did I get this old?
If you need any help with anything or a ride feel free to call me.
Thanks, Steve, and I will see you for Maltese Falcon. I am lucky with my friends as I always say.
I will have Thanksgiving dinner with Megan and we will see a play on Wednesday night (Betrayal) but thanks, Jeff. I hate to make you come all the way to Manhattan but if you want to come up for an early dinner or late lunch on Monday, the 25th, I get in at noon. Completely understand if it's too much. I am on west 86th St. Not nearby. And I will see you a few weeks before in Dallas.
I'm so sorry you're suffering through all those problems, Patti! Obviously, it's getting you depressed, and that's not good.
We both drive, have all our adult lives, so that's never been a problem for us. A few years after we got married, I suggested Barbara take over the bills and paperwork for a while, and she still does it. We go over the checking state meant each month, briefly, but she does the lion's share. Since I lived alone for decades, I know how to take care of things as needed, but she enjoys doing it. So we're good in that regard.
It's been rainy and cool here, so we've been inside most of the time, which would normally mean lots of reading for me, but I'm still not motivated to read. I have a couple of SF novels at the library, so maybe they will work to get me back on track. Meanwhile it's mostly short stories.
The Seattle Seahawks lost a game they should have won yesterday, so we're bummed out by that. Other wise, things are good.
And the Lions are off to a good start but will it last.
I'm sure we can get into the city to meet you. The 25th is the day after my birthday. We can talk about it in Dallas.
That would be great, Jeff.
Getting back to happy, getting back to something that even remotely feels normal, and getting away from anxiety can all be slow processes, Patti. Sometimes it feels like one step forward and ninety-nine steps back, but it will happen. Hard as it may be to believe, you have already shown much strength, perhaps more than most of us would have in the same situation.
This past week has been a mixed one, but there are still a lot of good things to hold onto. Our primary care doctors suddenly retired -- something we would happen sooner or later (he's at lest 83 and his wife and medical partner is two years older) but the suddeness surprised us. It turns out he was diagnosed with bladder cancer and they decided to close their doors the same day, mostly because they were afraid his disease might affect the level of care they give to their patients. Despite their advanced age, they provided excellent medical service. They were active, up-to-date on medical advances and procedures, thorough, and provided the medical care that hasn't been since since the days of Marcus Welby. Their reputation in the area was superb; every doctor and specialist knew and respected them. They cared about their patients and took the time needed for every one of them -- they were definitely not believers in pushing through as many patients they could in a day. You might be seen a half hour or an hour after your appointment time because each was spending the extra time needed with previous patients -- something that could upset people on a time crunch, but never seemed to; a small price to pay for excellent care. We were lucky to have them as our doctors over the four years we have been here and are sad to lose their services. Doctor Joe's prognosis is not good and we sincerely hope the time he has left will be painfree and a comfort for both he and his wife. We are extremely proud and lucky to have been able to know them both.
And the hits just keep coming. The beaches have been closed due to algae bloom in the Gulf. Ack! Just sitting on the beach and watching the beauty of the waves is out also, because, no matter what, Jack will find his way into the water -- something that would be just too dangerous because he has a feeding tube, a literal hole in his stomach, and we just can't take the risk. Instead, we have been having crafting sessions over at Christina's (the ladies craft; I take along a book) so we still have laugh-filled get-togethers. As a plus, Jessie has found a great Chinese restaurant in Pensacola that does takeout. Yum.
Kitty is stretched out on the sofa watching david Tennent on television. The damncat is snuggled up against her with her head resting on Kitty's feet. They both look so comfortable. Sometimes it's the little things... 9As I finished typing the fourth paragraph down, the cat shifted and is now a ball of sleeping gray fur -- still snuggled up to Kitty.)
Jessie got a new car, finally trading in the deathtrap she had been driving. she says it's strange driving a car whose wheels don't feel like they are about to fall off. She may be happy about that but we're even happier.
A stupid mix-up on the part of our cable provider left us without internet or television for four days. Four blessed days of reading and snuggling on the sofa. Kitty is the best snuggler in the world.
[I had to split this comment up because I evidently have diarrhea of the typing fingers. Sorry]
Immediately after we got our cable back, Kitty came down with a raginf ear infection. The antibiotics seem to be working and I am super happy that we live in a time that most people do not die because of a lack of antibiotics. (Yay for science and progress!) My bride is a brave little soldier.
Trump's Ukraine fiasco may spell the beginning of the end for him. Cross fingers, knock on wood.
Christina's Chesapeake Bay retriever (the friendliest dog ever) has taken a dislike to Erin's boyfriend Trey. Luckily he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. I remember when I was dating Kitty, her German shepherd Yancy took an immediate dislike to me (as well as any other male who went near Kitty) and thaat situation worked out pretty well.
I hope you have an anxiety-free week, Patti, filled with good friends, interesting activities, a working garage door, and fantastic weather!
Every day is one step, Patti. Ebb and flow, good days and bad ones. Wishing you well as you move along...
New York City intimidates us, too. Fortunately, we have Patrick and Katie meet us in the Big Apple to help us navigate. They'll do the same thing when we get to Dallas for BOUCHERCON.
Speaking of BOUCHERCON, our panel on PAPERBACKS & Bill Cirder has been moved from Friday to Thursday at 2:30 P.M. Hopefully, that's the end of the shifting around. Katie will be landing in Dallas on Thursday morning so she should make it to the panel.
We're looking forward to taking you to lunch or dinner during your BOUCHERCON stay!
From the most recent FILE 770, something I suspect you can relate to:
(1) GRIEF RESOURCES. Pasadena Weekly talks with people who have lost a spouse and the support available for them, beginning with the widow of Harlan Ellison: “Surviving the profound loss of a longtime spouse”.
…Susan Ellison, 58, a native of the British midlands, was puttering around the hillside house in Sherman Oaks that she had shared for more than three decades with her famous (and pugnacious) 84-year-old writer husband Harlan Ellison, best known for his science fiction. He had dubbed it "the Lost Aztek Temple of Mars" long before suffering a stroke in 2014 that left him bedridden.
“I’m an insomniac and he was still asleep when I checked in on him early in the morning,” she recalled during a telephone conversation. “Then his therapist came,” and found him unresponsive.
“I thought he’d go kicking and screaming, but he died quietly. And I thought I’d be a lot more prepared,” she continued. Instead, she said, “I essentially shut down. He gave me a terrific life and he loved me completely. But I gave my life to him and now I don’t know who I am anymore. I have to find out.”
The experts say everyone reacts differently to a profound loss….
Post a Comment